When you drive past your job on your day off
How you and your friend look at each other when someone is lying
If you spot this guy, call police. U.S. Marshals are looking for him & he may have been in Hampton Roads… If I spot this guy imma mind my f*cking business.
“Sir, OJ Simpson is downstairs. He says he wants to talk about the album”
You have to act surprised when people tell you their secrets you already knew otherwise you risk exposing your sources.
When there ain’t a damn thing I wanna eat in the fridge but I just stare and stare… hoping that something appears
When your mom parks the car illegally then says “I’ll be back in 5 minutes”
Customer: Are you mixed? Coworker: You saying I’m too pretty to be all black? Customer: First of all nobody even said you was pretty. LMAOO
I thought ordering my dog a birthday cake would be a waste of money… Her reaction was worth every penny.