If you spot this guy, call police. U.S. Marshals are looking for him & he may have been in Hampton Roads… If I spot this guy imma mind my f*cking business.
“Sir, OJ Simpson is downstairs. He says he wants to talk about the album”
You have to act surprised when people tell you their secrets you already knew otherwise you risk exposing your sources.
When there ain’t a damn thing I wanna eat in the fridge but I just stare and stare… hoping that something appears
When your mom parks the car illegally then says “I’ll be back in 5 minutes”
I thought ordering my dog a birthday cake would be a waste of money… Her reaction was worth every penny.
When you get roasted in the chat but you remember their deepest secret
Do you ever start replying to a message, then pause and think “I don’t even have to explain myself” and delete everything
This is the new #PoorMichelle. She really had to endure that and be graceful thru it all.